Patience, an underrated virtue!!

 As a Christian and a firm believer in Jesus Christ, I was disappointed in my faith when I lost my babies. I felt abandoned, I felt disgraced that all that I had professed openly especially about God's unflinching love for me , crashed. I blamed God for everything from why he gave me blessings he will take away to even why he created me. For several weeks, I lived in denial and slowly crept into depression. I didn't want to hear anything that had to do with my faith in God, as a matter of fact I started questioning God's existence. I questioned even the tiniest detail of what I believed in. It was just a battle!! I deleted all of the gospel songs I loved and listened to from my phone, deleted my Bible app, just didn't want anything to do with my faith in God. I can remember people consoling me using other's predicaments who they thought to be more excruciating, using Job in the Bible and the likes. I never got consoled with that and I don't think that using other people's predicament should be a yardstick to measure or say one pain is higher than another. No matter how little a pain might seem, allow people the time to grieve over their loss without comparison of pains and telling them they should have gotten over it. People fail to understand that when you create beautiful indelible moments with someone or something and all of a sudden, that thing or person is gone you are left with only memories that could create a pain of how much you miss them and wish they were with you. People grieve differently, just encourage them without comparison!! Anyways I was always basking in my loss and never thought I could get out of my situation but thank God for my support system who never gave up on encouraging me and I think everyone needs a support system for bad times and good times too. No one should be alone!! I never knew what I needed was PATIENCE, patience with time and patience with my faith. It's not called a virtue for nothing. Not everyone has it but it certainly can be developed. I gave myself sometime to adjust and just one day, I broke down in tears asking God why he let my babies die, why he let me down, just asking random questions and there was no answer,lol!! I told God that I really love him and believe in him and will give our relationship another chance because I just couldn't do anything without him, lol. I guess God understood and smiled. I know he understood my pain and just allowed me to rant and call the shot as long as I'm in his fold again. I see God more of a friend and father and I relate in that manner. I also told him that I want us to start our relationship slow but steady because I was heartbroken and isn't in the right frame of mind to just suddenly flag off from where we were before my babies died and instantly some peace that I never felt before diffused in my heart. That's when I knew that God listened and was just patiently waiting for me to come back. I eventually started reading my Bible and Isaiah 40 was given to me one morning; I always just open the book and the first glimpse is what I read and it was everything I needed to know to push through especially the last verse. It echoed Patience and trust. I rested my case and just believed in the process!! It might not make sense now but Time and your Patience will tell. Don't give up!!